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10 Tips For Evil Overlords

  • Be secure in your superiority. There is no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving your weaker enemies alive to show that they pose no threat.
  • Your ventilation ducts must be too small to crawl through.
  • If your weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, send out your best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to your fortress.
  • Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, don't indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
  • Your Legions of Terror must have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
  • If you're eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, order new drinks for both of you instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
  • Don't interrogate your enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside your borders will work just as well.
  • All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. Your foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
  • Your dungeon cells must not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
  • Your door mechanisms must be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door, and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.