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10 Tips For Evil Overlords

  • Never employ any device with a digital countdown. If you find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into motion.
  • When you've captured your adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" you say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought, shoot him then say "No".
  • Don't use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead, make it more along the lines of "Push the button".
  • Maintain a realistic assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least you will never say, "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
  • Don't gloat over your enemies' predicament before killing them.
  • If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, don't berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
  • Never employ any device with a digital countdown. If you find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into motion.
  • Don't grow a goatee. In the old days, they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
  • Your Legions of Terror must have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
  • To keep your subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.