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10 Tips For Evil Overlords

  • Your Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters should be used for target practice.
  • If you learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy you, slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
  • No matter how well it would perform, never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
  • If you must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of your complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
  • If an advisor says, "Your liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", you should reply "This." and kill the advisor.
  • Your pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which you cannot accidentally stumble.
  • The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in your Legions of Terror. However, before you send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
  • Instruct your Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
  • When you capture the hero, make sure you also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
  • Once your power is secure, destroy all of those pesky time-travel devices.