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Ok so I'm posting this to vent a bit because I'm feeling down and tired and honestly I don't know how to process this otherwise. I'm also interested in sharing my feelings with other people (specially other GMs around here) and have a conversation about this because it's also kind of a lonely hill to be at rn.

The issue:

As of late I've been feeling very negatively against the general selfish attitude of players and play groups I come across in this hobby. My dissatisfaction with the hobby because of this has been growing to the point of making me just tired and uncomfortable with the very idea of keeping running RPGs. I just don't like how other people/players treat me. It's not even an issue with my current group,. but more of a general behavior most RPG players I interact with engage on.

I've been primarily a GM since I started playing RPGs (more than a decade ago) and I've given my best at every single step of the way, and I've been "successful" at that, in the sense of almost always receiving "praise" on how I GM and how good my games are etc etc. But I've been feeling that "positive feedback" on my GM "performance" is absolutely not enough for me to justify all the effort that I put into it.

What I mean is (Tl;Dr): my players always tell me that THEY are having fun, but am I having fun myself?

When I sit down to play a game (any game not just RPGs) I do it because I like the game itself, or the experience of playing the game. I engage with its systems, I read about it online and theorycraft strategies to play it, etc. I might even try to master it or get good at it if it is a game I particularly enjoy mechanically, or maybe geek out about its narrative/story with other people if it moved me, etc.

The problem specifically with TTRPGs and GMing/Running them is that I'm usually not really engaging with the game in any meaningful way that I enjoy but rather I'm always being pushed into "entertaining" the players instead. Y'know, do the funny voices, teach the rules, do all of the world-building, provide a challenge, provide satisfying narrative elements according to the premise of the game, etc. Meanwhile most players will rarely roleplay their characters, won't learn the rules, won't engage in any meaningful worldbuilding, won't do anything to facilitate a satisfying narrative and will ignore the very premise of the game repeatedly. Instead of a "facilitator" of play, I feel trapped as an "engine" of play and just in a very dehumanized and lonely spot.

Years ago I stopped running D&D 5e specifically because it was mostly a lot of work for me and no fun. But my attempts at trying other games with different people almost always end up boiling down to the same "D&D 5e-ish" behaviour of players just being kinda selfish and pushing the responsibility of the game being "good" or "entertaining" on ME alone. And I'm just kinda... tired.

Even with games that are specifically designed to be collaborative, like most PbtA games or games that REQUIRE collaborative world building per the rules like Fabula Ultima, I find that players always offload a lot of the work to me as the GM or facilitator.

Because of this I've become trapped in a loop of trying new games, having a terrible experience trying to play them because players choosing to rely on me instead of engaging with the game rules/procedures/premises, then burning out and defaulting to playing the same old D&D clones and modules again and again because at least that's just easy for me to run. And I feel like I've completely lost my interest in the hobby at this point.

I even asked my current group what RPGs are THEY interested in playing and their unanimous answer was "whatever you would like to run". This SOUNDS good but always translates to "whatever you would like to run as long as I don't need to learn anything or engage with the game at all and you do everything in your power to entertain me instead".

Imagine asking your friend group if they would like to play Magic the Gathering, they accepting and then having YOU build their decks, track their life totals and tell them what cards to play each turn while you do funny SFX a la Arena after each play, and then telling you they had a lot of fun. (!!).

I'm glad my friends had a lot of fun, but as long as I'm not having fun myself what even am I doing?

It's a lot of stress and a lot of effort to run TTRPGs, and I think it's not a lot to ask to have players stop thinking in their own fun for a second and instead start paying attention to how other people are doing, specially their GM. Literally no one ever asks my opinion on the game we are playing or if I'm having fun at all. Instead I feel like running RPGs is taken like if it's some kind of career or job, while also not being paid at all for doing it.

To clarify a bit, I feel it's (probably) not a me problem either because I've recently been playing solo RPGs a lot and I've had A LOT of fun at that. I enjoy not just the freedom of solo play, but also how I'm not being asked to entertain anybody else and I can just focus on engaging with the game itself.

Anyways. Tl;Dr again is: my players always tell me that THEY are having fun, but am I having fun myself? Most of the time I'm just not.

I'm talking about a game that's evocative, whether through the mechanics or the worldbuilding, but it's either too much on a GM/Player or it doesn't interest your group.

For me, it's Continuum - roleplaying in The Yet. Just a fascinating look at what a society of time travelers would look like, but I doubt I could wrap my head around GMing it.

I'm certain there's been other people echoing this sentiment in the past but, here goes anyway.

I've been very much so wanting to get into the hobby recently. I have experienced being a player in the past but only once a month for maybe six months, many years ago and it was an absolutely horrible experience that I don't want to talk about tbh.

The problem seems to be finding a group with a GM. So I thought, why not become one! The realization of everything that entailed sunk in pretty quickly. But I'm not scared of the world building, putting on silly character voices, designing side stories for the players in my group etc.

I'm scared of failing. I'm scared of disappointing people. I'm scared of not living up to individual expectations, taking too long to think of a situational response, not coming up with clean improv, just.. failing at the things that makes a great GM, great.

So I guess my question is, how did you guys get your start? How did your first session go? How did you realize the areas in which you were lacking so that you even knew to improve them?

I would ESPECIALLY be interested in hearing from a worst case scenario GM. Someone who was horrible, or at the very least had a horrible first experience, and then hear about how you rebounded from that, what did you do next?

If you guys know anyone like this I would be ecstatic if you could have them reply to the thread because I really need the encouragement, especially since I'm the not so outgoing one of the friend groups I've been part of through the years. Guess that's another facet to this, wanting to put myself out there a little more. Maybe even make some friends!

I was thinking, maybe a reskin of mouseguard with humans only, does it exist ?

Burning wheel scares me, i don't want excessive crunch.

The only system we play is dnd actually, but it's not suited for that campaign.

So I found that the more universally applicable and the more simulationist the system is — the harder it is to make it really excel at anything other than those 2. So lately I've beel more on the lookout for a very specific systems doing their thing the best way possible.

• While PF2E / SF2E is generally praised for it's combat it pales in comparison with something like LANCER, which has multiple specific gamemodes and systems that fully work only in tandem with each other and with the intended setting (mechas are fine, but NHPs cascading, paracausal tech and eidolons aren't that universal)

• Legend in the Mist has a really fluid and intuitive character building process with great advancements system pushing the narrative forwards, but it has basically no tactical combat.

• Unknown Armies 3e has really cool magic systems that are overly specific.

• Ars Magica has a set multi-pc-per-player long lasting campaigns (multiple pc generations) where turns may last months full of politics and inventing custom spells.

• Blades in the Dark is really good at making cinematic all-planned heists with little friction and managing a band, but not much more.

• OSR games are usually really good at combat-as-war, attrition systems and resource management.

So what are your favorite systems for their overly specific thing that they excel at? Maybe it has a really specific power system tied to a setting, maybe the setting itself is that good and unique, maybe it is really a civilization game in disguise, or it is great for playing over text messages, or it is a vtt/videogame exclusive with no table option.

It's a mecha TTRPG, but it's JP only and there are no translations for it, either officially or fanmade. I know actually getting an answer to this question is not likely at all, but I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with it and how is it?

I'm GMing a "western" (it's in the cangaço which is basically the old west but Brazil) and one of my players has a character who was part of a gang and he probably expects them to show up sometime. So I was thinking that sometime in the future, possibly while they're escaping from a heist or another conflict, they end up in a destroyed camp with the bodies of his former gang members (hes also getting his old gun from the debris), except the boss who during the final mission, a BIG bank heist, will appear being marched to his execution giving that player the choice to weaken the plan trying to save the guy or to just watch him die. I think it's a really cool plot point but I'm thinking it might undermine his agency in creating the gang that he was in.

Any ideias?

Also sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

Also, also, this is my first time GMing.

EDIT: informing you guys that "gang" means like 10 people, not a massive organization.

I got very into the Visual Novel PARANORMASIGHT and want to put the players in a very inspired world, compete with a 3 patter timeline that will rely on the players meta knowledge to progress through to a true ending.

I'm just struggling to actually write it, I have a vague plans for each, characters and all that, but I'm not sure how to go about with a timeline and making sure they reach an 'ending' without rail roading too much.

I use to play in a Higueashi TTRPG and it was very fun and the hosting of the time loop was very fun and interesting, I've fallen out of contact with his host but I know it can be done.

I wanted to play a TTRPG just my boyfriend and I, since we’re looking for board games and things to do to disconnect more from technology. Are there any TTRPGs that can accommodate only two people playing?

Let's say you are a player who is starting a new campaign. Maybe it is a pre-written one or maybe it's a homebrew. Before character creation the GM gives you a document with information about the setting, different important factions, notible locations, some important historical events, information about the history and culture of the different peoples you might pick from when making your character, the faiths, gods, and feelings about the supernatural in this area, that sort of stuff. This isn't meant to completely replace a session zero discussion about the setting and campaign, but to add to it and also have it written down to refrence later.

On average, how interested would you be in this stuff? Let's put quality aside and assume it's not really cringe, would you likely appreciate this, not particularly care, or actively dislike it? Are you likely to find it restrictive or would you likely appreciate having stuff to build off of when developing your character? Are you someone who would just be stressed that you won't remember stuff (even if the GM says it's fine and that they don't expect you to read everything)? Is more info better (within reason) or do you want it to be as trim as possible, just the bare minimum you need to understand the setting?